I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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