So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
