people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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