go do what you do best...puke behind churches
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wish there were birth control emojis
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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