I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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