i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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