I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Randomize