Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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