hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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