it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
