The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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