I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
