epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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