This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
