...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
