Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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