Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he was CRYING into my vagina
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
And then he peed in my hair
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