i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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