This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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