I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
