Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
