I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
