i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Randomize
