I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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