chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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