I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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