i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize