i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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