I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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