i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize