I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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