just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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