How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
