Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize