talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize