Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
