Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
