You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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