We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
