He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize