I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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