So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
