I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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