why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
