You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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