we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
