I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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