It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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