Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
