I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
