you traded sex for a burrito?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My ass is underappreciated
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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