My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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