I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
