this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
