youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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