Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
