he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize