after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
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First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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