dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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