Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
