I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
