i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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