drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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