I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
