Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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