How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
