I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Your penis caused this!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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