God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
