I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
