I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
