We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
