im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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