There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
