At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
