do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
