I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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