Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize