I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
