then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
