I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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