i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
