My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
