Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
