i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When did angry sex become our thing?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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