i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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