I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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