I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
