sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
