? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
