Your face is a jimmy john
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
