maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
