I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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