i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
