Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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