Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
