2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
