also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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