is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
