I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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