walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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