shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
