How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize