So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
