please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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