she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
