textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
