So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
